It has been a while since we last spoke. I really don't know how and why this has come to happen. We were always like best friends, i could say to you everything and i guess i'm just missing my very old friend. It's so strange how people live with each other a lifetime as it seems now, and then in a second they can part ways.
So enough with the "bla bla's", tell me, how have you been doing? i want to know everything that there is to know about you. Are they treating you well over there? Do you ever get bored? Do you miss me like i miss you? Well i hope you do, cause if that is so, it means maybe you're still out there somewhere.
I want to tell you something... it has come to me today, this...clear idea. It is kind of sad actually.. you see.. I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I have lost even the most remote clue of where i am heading for. I feel like i am alone in the dark, and there is no light ahead, only the long and gruesome road. I don't want to scare or upset you, but I was just feeling this weight on my shoulders and I wanted to talk to you about it, since you always had a good advice to give me.
I dont know why i feel this way sometimes. Looking back on my recent days, maybe my life isn't that bad, but man, believe me when i am telling you that i've been shutting things inside. i mean, dark, nasty, "i wanna bang my head to the wall" things. And they just keep coming and coming and i don't know how to catch a break. The fact is.... i am not that happy kid anymore. Somewhere along the way i have turned into this man, with no real dreams, no ambitions, no happyness, no joy. And i dont blame you for this, i really dont. What happened that night was not your fault, neither was mine.
I just want to make you feel proud, you know, to smile when you see me, to see that i am doing great. To be Hard. And i try to do that, oh i try... But it's like i never get there. It seems to me that i am always one step behind myself, behind of what i could be and it's very tiring. Sometimes i just want to let go and forget everything and start over, as a mather of fact i am trying this right as we speak, but to be fair, i am not making such a great progress.
I want to be happy again, father, i really do. Tell me, what do you think is the mather with me? What am I missing so badly that I've turned into this mess of a son? I have thought and thought of this over and again and yet i haven't figgured it out. Do you think maybe this is my bad time now, and it will get better?
I'm really glad I stopped and wrote to you, cause talking and sharing my life with you was really important to me sometime ago, you know?
Miss you man.
